I agree with you! Staff at restaurants can be very flippant. I’d like to be able to make excuses for them but I can’t. The lack of care about health in this country is rampant. I know someone who is deathly allergic to tomatoes and has ended up in the ER more than once after someone assured her there were sure there were no tomatoes in a dish.
I think we need to change the way we, as customers, think about it. I too don’t want to make a fuss. But then I remember, I am PAYING them. It is their job to provide a service. I do everything I can to be be prepared (looking at the menu online etc) but they often don’t list the ingredients. So we have to ask. (Did you know McDonald’s uses beef to flavor their fries? But on their website it just says “natural flavors.”)
Taking care of our health and well-being is our first responsibility. Not “annoying” the waitstaff is a very distant second.
We have found a few places that have been very accommodating. We frequent those when we go out. Someday in the future it would be fun to do a WFPB weekend where all the foods are healthy and labeled so everyone could eat without drama.